Not Poetry

these days

my whole life feels totally pointless
i need to do something to change it

because well, it kind of is

i need to try to write

that is the only thing left that i can do

i cannot be an actor

i cannot even be a social worker

i cannot do anything i WANTED to do

besides maybe write

i cannot seem to get married

or be in love

or have kids

so i wrote that tiny blog entry tonight

i hope i can keep it in mind

it's so hard

i have no confidence

and i am so tired all the time

and crave

intimacy so much

that i have a hard time being alone

and focusing on me

but i'm going to have to

i have no choice

because otherwise

i will die